Why moving to America has been the best thing I’ve ever done.

Besides the obvious reasons why my big move has been the best thing in my life, like my husband and my daughter, and really wanting to get away from a lot of things I was dealing with in the Netherlands, there is one other very big reason why America is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

No I don’t have “the American Dream”, my reason is simple: I have found me.
I maybe shouldn’t say that I have found myself, but I’m very busy with finding myself.
My whole life before moving here I was kind of lost, and trying so desperately to fit in to certain things.

I’ve literally tried it all; the posh club at school, the popular club, gothic, punk, alternative, hardcore, rock, metal, the bullied club, the Dutch scene, Dutch hardcore, being “normal”, being alone, being focussed on work, friends, party’s, drugs & alcohol.
With all of this also came different attitudes; being rude, obnoxious, aggressive, rebellious, nice to my closest people, terrible to people I didn’t know, arrogant, happy, nonchalant, naive, but mostly sad.

I tried so hard to fit in, I dressed the right way, I talked the right way, I did what they did and it still was never good enough. I was always the one who ended up back where I started, with basically nothing. And this also happened when I decided to move here.

Within no time my friends stopped messaging, except for Denise <3, and I lost contact with the Netherlands. If you would have told me 2 years ago that my family would mean so much to me as they do today I may have not believed you. They are the only ones {and Denise} who have been there 100% and we still skype weekly. Especially my sister and I have become closer than ever, which is strange since we are 3000 miles apart.

At first this came as a big hit in my face, I felt like I had lost everyone. With being pregnant and having a baby shortly after my hormones were going through the roof and I was mostly sad that I felt so alone. How did I end up like this? I used to be pretty popular and I used to go out all the time and see people and do things, and now I was sitting in the same apartment every day with a newborn and no friends to share my life with.

But very quickly after this period of basically grieving the loss of “friendship” and life with a new born, I decided that this could also be a good thing. I tried to find things that I liked doing without thinking about what other people would think. I started being creative again, with a scrapbook, planner, drawing and this blog. I decided to go and get a job to meet new people and get more social contacts with grown ups in stead of “goo goo ga ga” talk with baby’s.
I joined a facebook page called Hike It Baby and went on a few trips with them just to get back into socializing. I picked up gaming with my husband again, and we found things that we like to do as a couple. We went to baby class at Gymboree for my contact with other moms and of course to see Delilah have lots of fun!

I am so happy and proud to say that I am really finding myself. I dress the way I like, I only buy it if I like it and I don’t care what style it is. I lost my potty mouth vocabulary and I try to be a decent human being. {Yes, I do still say the occasional bad word when I get upset..}

This all is only possible because here people accept and respect who you are as a person. No body cares if you wear 10 layers of makeup, or if you don’t. No body will care if you wear something “strange”.
People can say a lot of things about Americans, but I was so pleasantly surprised about how accepting they are, and how much respect they have.

I have not once been called a name here. Not once in 2 years time has someone shouted “Filthy gothic” for looking a bit different, or “nasty whore” for wearing heels and a little cleavage. I have not been laughed at at the swimming pool for being fat, or having stretch marks, and I never get comments about my tattoos, piecings or my half shaven head, except for funny ones or interesting questions.

In the beginning of me moving here I kept asking my husband if I looked okay, and nowadays I will go outside without makeup, the hair I have left in a messy bun, and in my comfy clothes. {Okay I must admit that I still don’t go out in my PJ’s but who knows when that day will come ;)}

I hope you liked reading this, it was a little more personal for me but I just really felt like I needed to get this off my chest. People just assume you stay the same person but I have changed so much over the past years and I think it’s for the better.

Please leave me a comment if you have anything to ask or say, or just to tell me what you thought about this blog post!

xxx Anouschka

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